I've been reading all of these thankful posts on Facebook & I have to agree with my friend who recently wrote about what she is thankful for...I love them. I am thankful everyday for so many things. I'm thankful that she encouraged me to write this blog. I thought about getting on this 30 Days of Thanks program, but sometimes I don't get on Facebook everyday...sometimes I am on it all day long. Then it was 4 days in and I thought "shit...now I have to catch up...maybe next year."
Just because I'm not posting every day what I'm thankful for doesn't mean I'm not thankful and it sure doesn't mean I don't like this idea. I F***ING love it! I love it because so often it is easier to see the negative, the hard things, the disappointments, the ugliness in the world. Those are right there in your face...screaming "LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!!! I'M RUINING!!!!" So we see these too often & while we are busy focusing on this so much good is missed. We are all guilty of this. It is too easy to do. You get caught up in the negativity & something great is overlooked. That something great isn't always GREAT BIG. Maybe it is a squeal from a precious baby or kisses given by an adorable 4 year old. These seem so small, but they can sure brighten your day. They can make your day. That baby will be grown soon, the 4 year old even sooner & then I'll only have the memories of those moments because they were fleeting.
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| Puppy is a cat for those of you that don't know. |
This weekend has been long & busy. Tonight is the slowest night for sleep over guests with only 3 extra teenage girls. I can hear them laughing & being ridiculous back there. I love it. Don't get me wrong, I'm also terrified. I have made contact with the outside world. There are people standing by in case I disappear in the night. My house was clean for about 2 hours today. I hope to regain at least 75% of that cleanliness by tomorrow night. We'll see. For now I will sit here with my feet up while Pup gets as close to me as she can without being on the laptop. She's a real help. In her defense, she did have to hideout most of the day from the small children & screaming girls. She's a laid back type of cat...may have some social anxiety. She slept on the Ugg boxes in the closet to keep herself out of harm's way.
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| Saturday at 5:30 p.m. |
I am incredibly thankful for the crazy life I lead. I'm thankful for this gorgeous house we live in thanks to my amazing stepdaddy. It has unfinished places & a few rough edges, but it's coming along & I love it more everyday I am here. I love that I can have 7 extra bodies here on a Friday night & there is still room for more. We didn't even use the couches, recliner or air mattress!! We did all share one bathroom & that was a challenge. Oh we have 1.5 bathrooms, but Ky's was too scary even for her to use until yesterday when I put my foot down & made her *pause for dramatic effect* CLEAN HER OWN TOILET!!! Still one shower is a challenge with 3 grown women & 5 children aged 4 months to 14 years. Almost every towel was in the dirty clothes by Saturday. Those towels were clean & folded neatly in their cupboard Friday night.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
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| Sunday at 4 p.m. Yep that's my old lady shower cap hanging on the shower door...sometimes you don't need wet hair! |
I'm so thankful to Jay Bjaranson. There were a lot of years where I wouldn't have said that. A lot of fight & struggle. He & I didn't see eye to eye on much. We did, however, create a beautiful daughter & then 9.5 years later he gave her an amazing little brother. I'm very fortunate to get to be a part of that little guy's life. He recently moved with his mama & brothers to St. Helens so he isn't just down the road anymore. This weekend he was with us. I forget how hard having a 4 year old around is every time...then he comes to visit & reminds me. He's a good boy. He's also a boy. And 4 years old. He cries if things don't go his way. He helps me around the house. He folded laundry with me last night until he fell asleep 20 minutes into Open Season, he helped me put things in the attic today, he colored on my couch cushion with an ink pen, that bought him a trip to the corner & a talk about how we need to respect other's things, not lie when we do something we shouldn't & that even though I am angry I will never stop loving him. Then he helped me wrap Ky's birthday presents & when he left with Aunt Mouse tonight I picked him up to hug him tight. While I held him in my arms one last time this weekend, he took my face in his hands & kissed me about 20 times. I am so glad to be his Jasmine. I love him so!!!
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| Ky's birthday flowers & Jay. |
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| Talon loves taking selfies. |
Of course I'm thankful for Ky as well. She's the best thing I have ever done. She's also the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't think she will get easier for a very long time, but we will be alright. She's coming along pretty well...getting better with age. She hugs me more these days & for that I am severely grateful!
Jay not only gave me Ky & then brought Talon along for us. Because of him I have my in-laws...or out-laws as we sometimes say. Out-laws because I was never married to Jay & the other out-law (who deserves credit for the term) has been long divorced from Jeff. In-law or out-law...they are my family. I am thankful everyday for them. Sometimes we get busy & don't see each other or talk for weeks, but then something brings us, all or some, together & it's like we were together just yesterday. I can fall asleep on the couch while whatever sporting event is on because in a Bjaranson house, if there's a man around there's a game on. I can eat way too much, laugh too much, talk without using my filter...they love me despite my sailor mouth (and our football rivalry. GO CHIEFS! Which reminds me...I'm thankful my football team is 9-0 & hopeful they will beat the Broncos next Sunday!). I've stood with them through some of the hardest times that family has faced & I'll be there for more as that is the way life goes. I've laughed & celebrated their triumphs & happiness. They keep giving me more nieces & nephews to love. I can't imagine my life without them.
I'm thankful for my family...the ones that share my DNA & the ones brought to me by 2nd or 4th marriages. Some have been there since before I was born, others only a few years. I love them all. They made me who I am today. They loved & supported me even in my least lovable moments...ages 11-18 would be a good example. They gave me traditions to pass on to Ky. So many memories & memories to be made. So much love. Laughter & joy. I don't see them enough. I think of them daily. I try to visit...I should visit more. I love them so!
Now let's talk about my bests. I have these friends that I could call anytime from anywhere & they would do whatever they could to give me whatever I need. They know my deep dark secrets (duh....I have those), my pains, my joys, my heartaches, what movie ending will make me instantly pissed, that I hate crying & that sometimes I need to cry anyway. They are like coming home. Some I've had for years & years, some have moved thousands of miles to wind up nearby again by chance. Some haven't been in my life as long as others, but no matter how new or old, they are mine, I am theirs & I would move mountains for them. There are some who I only talk to a few times a year, then they pop into town without notice & make me see things as they are...help me see what the reasons were that things happened because you know I believe everything happens for a reason. You just don't always understand the reason right away. They are all bests for different reasons. Whatever the reason, they are my bests. They make me whole.
I am thankful that I chose happiness. I used to be more sarcastic...no joke...I know that's a hard one to wrap your head around if you experience me regularly, but it is true. Let's get things straight. I still yell at drivers who I believe to be suffering from low IQ and poor decision making. I yell at my precious child far too often. I am a yeller. I get mad. There are some people who I dislike in a fairly grave way...and by fairly I mean brutally. I do not wish them harm, but I feel my insides twisting & churning when I happen by them & have to behave like a civilized adult. I'm human alright...! Now back to choosing happiness. I believe that happiness is a choice. It is far more beautiful than misery. Still, there are those who choose misery. It takes a lot of energy to be unhappy. So a while back I decided to stop wasting so much of my energy on negativity, to try & let go of those things I cannot change (like the price of gas), to look for & embrace the positive in situations and to forgive those who have caused harm. I don't forgive them for them, I forgive them for me. As I said, I am not a professional at this by any stretch of the imagination (or resume writer's fluffing), but I do my best to find the good. It took me a long time to really hang on to this. This was something my daddy was so amazing at. Maybe he is the one that makes me stop & look for that silver lining. I know I feel him more when I do.
I am thankful for my health. It got me great rates on my life insurance policies!
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| Tay, Ky & me our last Christmas together |
(24 days). I. Can. Not. Wait. To. See. Her!!!!!!!
This could get really long because I'm just really thankful for so much in my life. So for now I'll stop. I won't stop being thankful. I'm just going to stop writing about it tonight. Don't think for a minute that if you are in my life & I didn't hint about you enough that you knew I meant you in this thank you note that I am not thankful for you...I am.
Settle down.
Thank you for reading!!!!
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