I knew going in that this weekend would be so full of emotions that by the time I got home tonight I would be exhausted. I was right. So as I sit here on the other side I'm thankful for all that we were able to pack into it. I'm thankful for the exhaustion. I know tonight, in my bed, I will sleep so hard because I've had 3 action packed days with 3 nights that didn't have much sleep.
Friday night: laughs & love & yummy food with lots of friends, followed by laundry, housework & packing for the weekend. 3.5 hours sleep.
Saturday: way too early in the morning drive to Mac, hop in with Sissy & my niecelings & we are off to Beaverton to meet Mama & get a dress. Her wedding dress was ordered, the date was set, we ate way too much at the Cheesecake Factory in celebration & started planning a reception, then back to Mac & a late night of catching up with my Wicked. 5 hours.
Sunday: I hate Spring Forward...it is my least favorite day of the year. Lunch with Grandma, Sissy & lil Isabelle, visit with Grandpa, off to Beaverton for a close friend's baby shower, then a long overdue visit with another of my girls...too much food, never too many laughs, beers, movies, love. 6 hours.
Monday: Drove home via highway 30 so we could visit Talon, Burgerville then frozen yogurt. That lil guy is too cute. LOVE. Then pizza with some of the Bjaransons & Thorntons. And The Bachelor...I'll devote an entire blog to what's wrong with that show. Stay tuned.
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| Dress #2...no this isn't THE ONE. |
We made it. Saturday was incredible. My mom, sister, nieces, daughter & I all picking a dress for my baby sister to marry the love of her life in. The dress is gorgeous. We had a blast. Ky wanted her to ring the bell from dress one. She chose dress six. Every time she walked out it was "Auntie that dress is the one! Ring the bell!!" I texted the Mother of the Groom every dress along the way.
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| Neither is this one...this is the runner up. |
Amber chose, Isis got fitted for her dress, we loaded into the van to go celebrate at the Cheesecake Factory & Uncle Dave called to confirm the date she chose was good. She didn't cry because she's not much of a crier, I barely held it together. Her wedding will be at the creek, where Dad & Uncle Dave built their cabins, where Dad wanted to retire, where his ashes were spread. He can't walk her down the aisle, but he will be everywhere around us.
That & the idea of Ky also missing out on her daddy walking her down the aisle (in the VERY DISTANT future) then topped off with the overwhelming joy for Amber that she's found this amazing man who she loves, that loves her, that we love, it was all, um..well, overwhelming, amazing, so much! So I breathed & looked out the window & laughed & ordered a drink when we finally got to the restaurant.
Sunday visiting the grandparents was great. Isabelle even cheered up Grandpa who is looking much more than his almost 94 years these days. Our visit was too short as usual. Then it was off to a baby shower. Here's what happened...
wedding dress shopping + baby shower =
Ky: You need to get married so I can be your maid of honor & have a baby so I can throw you a baby shower.
Me: So I need to get married & have another baby because you want to be a MOH & throw a baby shower? Not because you love me & are concerned for my happiness?
Ky: Yes...well I want you to be happy, but yes for me. So, if you have another baby what would you name it?
Me: Um, how 'bout Not Having One?...
Notice I gave it two middle names just like I gave Ky...
I made it through the weekend. I packed it so full that I wouldn't have much time to concentrate on Monday being 2 years since I got that life altering call, on another weekend with my sister...her 30th birthday weekend in Seattle. Two years since the Lady Cecelia went down & everything changed. It was on my mind all weekend, but really there's not a day when it isn't. There's always something that keeps it right up front in my mind. Saturday morning it was Third Eye Blind on the radio & suddenly it was 1999 & I was driving with Jay, not a care in the world, no idea that by the end of the year we'd be parents and life would never be the same. Sometimes it's Third Eye Blind, Little Big Town or Matchbox Twenty on the radio...or Drowning Pool, of all the terribly ironic band names, to bring him right back. Other times I just happen to look at the clock & it's 4:19, that's his birthday & his racing number.
Sometimes it's a face that she makes or something she says, but whatever it is he's always around. Just sometimes it's like being hit by a train. One minute everything is normal, the next you're spinning. I think he does this on purpose...
I didn't anticipate this. I knew no matter how much we fought (A LOT) or how mad he made me (WHITE HOT) at times, I NEVER didn't want him here, but I never would've guessed that I would miss his stubborn ass so much. I hurt for everything I know she won't have him there for. I hurt for everything he's missing. I hurt because I know what it feels like to want your dad there after he's gone. I hurt for his family who miss him terribly. Yes I know he's still with us in spirit, but it isn't the same. I do smile with tears in my eyes whenever he sends me the occasional reminder.
Today we had a good visit with Talon, took flowers to the Maritime Memorial & then spent the evening in Hammond watching mindless TV, eating pizza & loving each other to help ease the pain. He's gone, but never forgotten. We made it through another year. It seems crazy that 2 years have passed until you think of all that he's already missed. It flew by & yet it seems like yesterday.
Don't forget to take every opportunity to tell the ones you love just how much they mean. You never know when it will be the last time. 8-4 (That's Bjaranson for I love you.)
