A couple of years ago someone encouraged me to start this blog. I needed a funny name, mostly so I could laugh a little when I wanted to scream instead. So I called it Craven A Vacation. Then I started to tell you about the things that were making me want to scream, many that held a strong resemblance to the teenage version of me. So I asked "Does this make me a hypocrite?" Here are my answers, thoughts, comments on this:
1. If I thought I needed a vacation two years ago, today I need that vacation times 3700!
2. If my rules, boundaries & attempts to set my daughter towards a better path than I chose for myself makes me a hypocrite then I'm just going to keep on being a big ol' hypocrite!
This Mom job is rough. I've known that I'm a fighter for a while now, but I'm constantly surprised to still be going rounds because at this point I've been knocked down a lot & sometimes staying down sounds like maybe it could be just the little vacation I need. Not really...I need more than a 10 second count. More like 10 months all expenses paid, with visits from my loving family & friends, Jim by my side & a whole lot of relaxing. Daily massages? Yes please! That isn't really an option with this Mom job. Even on vacation you're still concerned with what's happening wherever your precious off-spring is hanging out while you have a much needed breather. For about 3.5 years my level of "concern" has been climbing from a normal, rational level to an all-out, high alert with back-up plans in place & ready to implement. "Would you like to purchase vacation insurance for $12.50 per person?" "Why yes, yes I would. Was there even a question!? Who knows what could throw a wrench in my plans at this point!"
Last weekend I got to relax & enjoy myself. This weekend I plan to repeat that on another weekend away. We have been planning both of these weekends for a number of months...this coming weekend was set in motion last year. So despite the chaos of our daily lives, especially in the past couple weeks, I chose vacation. I feel very blessed that we are able to get away. I also feel some guilt that there are other places I'm needed & choosing vacation means I'll not be there. I know other very capable people will be there & it is alright that I will not. I know that I need to relax. I know that we need to relax. I know we have earned it. We have more than earned it. I know the hard choices we've made lately are the right choices. The right choice almost always seems to be the hardest choice. I'm going to take this weekend, enjoy our friends, enjoy our time away, be grateful that I have this time to breathe in the midst of this current chaos & then I will come home, hopefully at least a tiny bit recharged, and resume my Mom duties.
I'm very blessed to have the friends, family and numerous other supporters that I do. Without that my fight would not have near as much endurance. Thank you for having my back. I'm looking forward to the day we can all celebrate a big victory. For now we'll just keep celebrating even the smallest of victories. That's a heck of a lot better than letting the set-backs crush us.
